Step 6 & James 4:6,10; Matthew 5:3-4

[Dominique M]

STEP 6
Based on James 4:6, 10 and Matthew 5:3-4
Written for Formation Group 2008/09

As I was meditating on this step VI, a thought came to my mind. “What is character?” So, I asked the Lord to guide me in my search and Psalm 33:4 was given to me.
For the Word of the Lord is right and true;
He is faithful in all He does.

This Word revealed to me that God’s words are right and true – they can be trusted. Unlike me God is sinless. He does not lie, forget, change His words, or leave His promises unfulfilled. God is holy, trustworthy and unchangeable.

In spite of the fact that I am a sinful being, I have the desire in my heart, built right within it, for this quality of character that God is. I value so highly that God’s words are right and true and that they can be trusted that I arrogantly and proudly asserted that I would keep my own word to Him when I said that I wanted no-one else but Him in my life and this no matter what happened to me. I would be faithful where no-one else would. I would be like Him. I would show His integrity in all of my actions.

The Lord must have been sad when He sent circumstances in my life that would test the strength of my words. These circumstances would reveal in time my character defects that I name as “the many faces of my unfaithfulness” toward Him. These character defects become so blatant each time I seek to find love, security and acceptance apart from Him in people, places or things. However, I learned that I could not become like Him on my own efforts as apart from Him my words cannot be right and true and I cannot be faithful in anything that I do.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” says James 4:6. James 4:10 also encourages me when he says “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up”.

I was blind back then to my weaknesses and did not see God’s perspective for my life when troubles drowned my faith in Him as I had come to doubt His goodness toward me. From then on, I found myself in a spiral where one sin led to another until He taught me that He did not expect me to become like Him on my own strength but that His Spirit who lives within me would, step by step, give me the desire of my heart.

God was so gracious to me when He caused my heart to become ready for true repentance as I had come to realize that against Him and Him alone, I had sinned.

I had finally seen that when I tried to earn favour with God and approval from others, I had forgotten about the freedom that I had received at the time of my salvation.

When I look back at my history, I realize that too many times I have traded my freedom for idols of good reputation, important positions and the delusion of superiority. My lifestyle, rooted in status and power had become hypocritical. I had betrayed my Lord denying Him as my friend. I had also abandoned Him as my first love seeking love, security and acceptance apart from Him and rejected Him as the Lord over my life each time I disagreed with His ways.

In addition, I was surprised to see that when under pressure I would too often betray others’ friendships by abandoning them each time I would deny my care of them by choosing to suit my needs instead. In addition, I would over and over again reject them through my self-righteous attitude having come to believe that I was better than they were, thus justifying my deeds.

Of course, when I sought approval from others or needed their support, they too, so often, would act as I did repeating the cycle of betrayal, abandonment and rejection in my own life thus becoming the enemies I am commanded to forgive.

In step IV I identified my shortcomings as the core relationships issues of betrayal, abandonment and rejection whether with God or people. However I seek that my Potter will remove in step VII more of my sinful nature reflected in the many faces of unfaithfulness that fill my heart and will replace it by his very own nature as I wish more and more to become faithful in all that I do.

These shortcomings inevitably make my life feel unmanageable as guilt, shame and stress overpower me each time my word is not right and true, each time that I am facing my unfaithfulness. This is when I go deeper into self-deception using whatever means as listed in step I to medicate my pain. Mostly I become angry and blame God and those others for my demise until I finally cry out to God who alone can rescue me from the pit I have fallen into once again.

This is when I said as King David had done before me: “Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins”.

In His mercy, God guided me to recognize my brokenness and my need for His grace. He forgave me even before I was cleaned up and straightened up. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven! I knew what this Word of His meant the moment He had caused my heart to turn once again toward His face. He had given me back the blessedness I had received when I first believed.

He made me entirely ready to have Him remove all of my defects of character when I discovered that I could not get rid of them through trying to improve myself. These defects of character had to be removed by the power of the Holy Spirit because God is not in the business of improving my sinful nature but He is in the business of transforming it, replacing it by His very own.

To day, I am willing to become ready to submit to Christ every part of my life. I desire to stop to arrogantly question His doings in my life. I thirst for stopping to do the right things with wrong motives, to “do” more and to “be” less to cover my inner shame and guilt.

I consider myself blessed because He guided me to mourn the fact that I am not yet like Him whose Word is right and true, who is faithful in all He does. He comforts me with His promises of eternity with Him as I am becoming willing to turn away from my own performance.

I no longer feel shamed, guilty, condemned or punished. I came to accept that He is stern when He redirects my heart, mind and ways but He is also very pleased when I come before Him asking for His help.

My hope is that, as my self-worth gets rooted in Him more deeply each day, my freedom will be guided by love and gratitude toward Him. My hope is to come to love Him with all of me. My hope is to come to know how to love my neighbour as myself. My hope is to be made fearless when facing my brokenness and when considering others’ pain, needs, loneliness and sufferings. That day I will have learned to love them as He has loved me, I will have learned to care for them especially when it does not suit me. That day I will have become an instrument in His hands for His glory in this world. A world that is so thirsty for the love and peace that only He can provide.

This is why today I am willing to let Him grow and change me and to trust and obey Him, knowing that this miracle can only be made possible through the Spirit’s guidance and by His power.

I still mourn not only over the state of my heart, but also over the state of the world in which we live. However, I am comforted because His Word can be trusted especially when He says that those who humble themselves before Him, He will lift them up and that the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. He has promised that He is coming soon so I keep saying with John in Revelation 22:21: “Amen, come Lord Jesus”. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people Amen.

Dominique M.
28/4/09